Hi there! Friendly comedy writer Art Maxmann here.
I want you to know that we put a lot of time into writing these articles, trying to give you a chuckle. And I also want you to know that I’ve accepted that no matter how hard I try to make this funny, I’ll never top your face’s laughter-inducing power.

It’s kind of sad, really. Here I am, a comedic athlete, training every day in the hopes of bettering myself at my craft.
But the forces of nature, showing their true humor, sought fit to craft your stupid visage with a greater potential to put people in stitches than I will ever be able to attain. I am like Sisyphus, struggling to push a joke-filled boulder up a hill, only to see your face at the top and collapse in a crippling fit of involuntary laughter.
But I’m fine with that. Really, I am.

I believe we were all put here to fulfill a purpose, and in your case, that purpose is to wear your dumb mug around everywhere, bringing joy to the unfortunate and downtrodden, who can at least take solace in and get a chuckle from the fact that they don’t look as ridiculous as you do.
So, thank you. While I may seek to make people laugh, it is not doing that successfully which brings me enjoyment; it is the journey.
That, and getting to laugh at you, you dumb face.

You May Also Like

Mormon Tablets: Were they iPads or Microsoft Surfaces?

Thanks to the Tony Award-winning musical, “The Book of Mormon”, the number…

Op-Ed: The Tree Is a Bullshit Position For Loud Assholes. Vote Sarah Young.

Do you get a deviant thrill from being incredibly quirky, but quirky…

IHUM Replacement “Thinking Matters” In Search of Catchy Abbreviation

With SUES and the Faculty Senate on board with the replacement for…

Op-Ed: However Much Money You Make When We Graduate, You’ll Never Catch Me on My Cherry Red Scooter 6000

Hey, I’m Jonas, and I’ve got one thing to say: I’m way…