SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Stanford University’s annual Winter Quarter dance, the Viennese Ball, was revealed Friday as a sting operation to capture Prince Charming by his native government of Svenlandia. The Svenlandish police forces sought to arrest Charming for his crimes of impropriety committed against Svenlandish women and will extradite him to Svenlandia to stand trial.
Following the failure of Charming’s marriage with Cinderella (anonymous sources have cited Charming’s insistence on re-enacting their famous meeting on a daily basis as a major reason for the breakup), officials in the Svenlandish government have informed the Stanford Flipside that Charming became obsessive in his attempts to re-capture his former glory. Evidently, Charming became a terror of the Svelandish ball scene, frequently attempting to steal women’s shoes and then go around the countryside demanding every woman in the area try on the stolen slipper and then marry him on the spot. In Svenlandia, Inappropriate Possession of Female Footwear is a crime punishable by thirty years in a medieval-style dungeon complimented by one hour of weekly public shaming. Charming was forced to flee to America for refuge, where it is encouraged by the local culture to behave inappropriately around women.
Undeterred by Charming’s attempt to escape punishment, the Svenlandish government set out to use Prince Charming’s ball-related weaknesses against him. Knowing that Stanford University would be the only American school pretentious enough to set up an actual ball, the Svenlandish police contacted student dance organizers with their plan.
Sure enough, at approximately 10:45 PM, Prince Charming, apparently unable to resist the prospect of attending yet another ball, waltzed his way into the downtown San Francisco venue and immediately returned to his shoe-thieving ways. Sophomore Adriana Chang reported seeing Charming crawling around the Latin and Contemporary Dance room on all fours, attempting to steal her and other female participants’ footwear.
“He kept growling, ‘I NEED THE SLIPPER. GIVE ME THE SLIPPER’ while sniffing the air like a dog,” reported Chang. “It was quite disturbing.”
Freshman Belle Myers told the Flipside that Charming was successful in stealing her shoe in the Waltz room. “He snatched it right off my foot, then returned thirty minutes later with what I’m sure he thought was a flirty grin, but was more of a demonic grimace, and kept asking if he could try to put the shoe on my foot. He also kept mumbling ‘personwho’llmarrymeiftheshoefitssayswhat?’”
It was at this point that the Svenlandish authorities sprung the trap and captured Prince Charming. Sources close to Charming say he will plead not guilty on all 47 counts of Improper Possession of Female Footwear, citing “It’s all that evil wench Cinderella’s fault” as his defense.
