Describing the exchange between the two YouTube users as one of the most brutal and genuinely terrifying online discussions they have ever witnessed, viewers of the video BEST BROKEN BONES COMPILATION EVER (SLOW MOTION) told reporters that Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian were absolutely tearing into each other in an extended comment thread yesterday. Stating that the argument was both “fucking savage” and “nauseatingly abhorrent,” members of the bone-breaking video-watching community unanimously declared the online interaction as more than just a low point in YouTube commentary—rather, it was perhaps the most inhumane, personally damaging written communication ever produced.

“Oh my god,” said user Cumpty-Dumpstery, shaking uncontrollably from the deeply internalized horror of his experience. “I just…I could never imagine…I mean, that’s his family…you can’t…all those penises…oh my god…HRRK!”

Heaving over, Cumpty-Dumpstery retched drily for several moments before attempting to speak again. Looking up fearfully at the gathered crowd of reporters, Cumpty-Dumpstery struggled to articulate his thoughts before finally breaking out in sobs and collapsing heavily on the floor.

Reports indicate that other users seem to share Cumpty-Dumpstery’s sentiments. Long-time “bone-crushers” MikePenis and phuk-KING expressed that though the comment thread started out harmlessly enough—with most of the focus being directed at a hilarious series of bone-snaps brought on by sporting accidents, car collisions, and mismatched arm wrestles—things quickly took a dark, unforgivable turn.

“Yeah, one second everyone was just shooting the breeze, talking about that sick Kevin Ware clip, and then all of a sudden Shaftmaster and Vajayjaytarian started getting into abortion rights and police brutality,” reported MikePenis. “I mean, that’s all well and good—even though it’s not exactly the place to be having that kind of discussion, when we’re all just trying to have a good time—but then Shaftmaster took a dig at Vajayjaytarian’s mother, and things got really ugly, really fast.”

“There are things you say in the comments section of a shattered appendages compilation video, and there are things you don’t say in the comments section of a shattered appendages compilation video,” added phuk-KING quietly. “Those guys—they said things nobody in the bone-crusher community could even have imagined, and then some.”

Pausing a moment, phuk-KING asked, “Like, is eating gonorrhea even possible?”

Other members of the bone-crushing community had questions of their own—wondering, most of all, whether or not things would ever be the same after such a catastrophic and dehumanizing exchange. “Without a doubt, this debacle will have far-reaching implications for years, if not decades,” commented Shitpoop, a local authority on YouTube comment chains. “As the argument progressed, I initially thought the situation was salvageable—but as soon as Shaftmaster suggested Vajayjaytarian lick skin flakes off his chafing scrotum, I knew things had gone one step too far.”

“At the very least, however, this dispute pales in comparison to the LeakyClam-BloatedPole debate of ’98,” concluded Shitpoop with a shudder. “The hammers-smashing-faces community never recovered from that.”

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…