Veering around the main quad without a minute to spare before class, a latte-wielding cyclist is reportedly about to learn him some shit about gravity, centrifugal force, and how hard it is to get stains out of a white T-shirt.

Sources close to the blind turn near the Geology Corner indicate that the guy is a total scrub, and that he clearly doesn’t see that there’s a freaking dip right there in the middle of the street.

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Expert reaction has roundly declared the student “hosed,” with one experienced coffee-cyclist putting the chances of a wicked faceplant “somewhere between abso-yes and for fuckin’ sure.”

The student’s situation has been traced back to his enrollment in a 9:30 AM lecture, itself a manifestation of his desire to, as a friend put it, “finally start getting his shit together.” The force of his ambition was readily overcome by his desire to sleep, though, leaving him little time for pre-class caffeination and guaranteeing a forthcoming lesson in coffee-related fluid dynamics.

“I guess there’ll be less mess, because it’s a latte, but the milk smell can really stick with you,” an onlooker commented.

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“Worst case, he takes this as a sign he should start longboarding.

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Jesus, he looks like one of those kids. Wait, here he comes! God, he’s really going for it. Look, look, he’s getting closer to the bump- one… two… three!”

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