With the return of HBO’s hit series, fans around the world are again watching the beautiful and violent tale unfold. Spencer Whitehead, a 26 year-old bachelor from Sunnyvale who no one loves, is as excited as anyone about the return of his favorite show.

“This is shaping up to be an incredible season, my heart is beating faster just thinking about it.” said the man who has nothing and no one about the television show. “These characters have been flung  across Westeros and given so many challenges, but they endure everything the world throws at them. It’s really inspiring.”

Whitehead pointed out a fridge full of Game of Thrones sponsored blonde ale and said that he’s known to knock back a few while he watches an episode. It is unclear who would know this about Whitehead, who has no close friends and watches the show by himself with the blinds down.

“At the end of the day, the best thing about the show isn’t the violence or the nudity,” said Whitehead while he drank out of his mug that said ‘I am the God of Tits and Wine’, “it’s that the characters have each other.”

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