Looking to add a more serious scare-factor to their dorm’s already ghoulish Halloween decorations, the RAs of Branner promised their residents a fright Friday morning by hanging pictures of disappointed-looking parents throughout their house’s halls.
As one RA confirmed, “Just when they thought our cardboard witch and our plastic zombie were spooky, residents will be forced to face their family’s judgmental dismay every single time they leave their rooms. They’ll be running from Frankenstein, from a mummy, and from the unshakeable inkling that they aren’t living up to their full potential. Don’t you love the Halloween season?”
The idea arose after Junior Victor Martinez, Branner’s RCC, tried to ironically dress up as the C+ he received in Math 51 last fall. “I still haven’t told my dad about the grade,” he said, “and I figured hiding my despair under a veil of relatable comedy would slow down my internal free fall. Turns out I was completely wrong, and I’m literally shaking as I dial his number to let him know. Ha!”
Students have widely praised the decoration’s hair-raising scare power, calling it, “literally the most heartless and terrifying thing [they] have ever had to face day to day. Don’t you know how personal that is for me? Jesus, RedEd will be hearing about this.”
Branner’s RAs insist, though, that the decoration was done only with the spirit of the holiday in mind, and that ratting to the administration wouldn’t make their residents any less of a disappointment.
