Recent reports from the Democratic campaign trail have indicated that the Clinton camp may be dealing with their first major obstacle on the road to a possible presidency; Hillary’s all-encompassing fear that Maine lobster trapper Ian Stave is unsure as to whether he will give her his vote. The state of Maine, which has voted for the Democratic candidate dating back to 1992, is roundly predicted to lean Democratic again in the 2016 elections. However, Clinton was adamant that every vote counts.
“I’m Hillary Clinton, dammit!” said Clinton in an interview with ABC, “I fully expect to gain every one of the 250 million possible votes in the upcoming elections. Anything less than that is utter failure. If Mr. Stave is still undecided, then I will do everything in my power to change his mind. It is with that vote in mind that I am making my first campaign promise, to reduce the sales tax on lobster to a meagre 0.6%.”
Stave, on the other hand, remains unconvinced by the Clinton campaign’s push to get his vote. “Look, I’m just a simple lobster trapper,” said Stave, “I care about my lobsters, my wading boots and my cages, that’s it.” Furthermore, he intimated that he would most likely abstain in both the Democratic primaries and any general election.
“Abstention is for cowards Ian Stave,” said Clinton in response. “Vote Hillary 2015, because if you don’t, I will come to your house and harass you until you do.”