DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA, as a flurry of controversy erupts over the revelation that Republican House of Representatives Majority Whip Steve Scalise once gave a speech to a white supremacist group, his PR managers would like to remind the public not to let this one indiscretion tarnish his image. Instead, the general public should remember the countless times that Scalise has worked to eliminate women’s rights and protect large corporations from smaller profit margins.
“Remember that time that Scalise co-sponsored SOPA, the bill that would have hamstringed the Internet’s framework in exchange for negligible benefits to corporations using outdated business models? That was a good time,” said one of Scalise’s hardworking PR officials.
Scalise’s PR department has issued statements that Scalise was not aware of who he was speaking to in 2002 when he addressed the European-American Unity and Rights Organization, a white-supremacist group founded by a former KKK leader. “The early 2000s were a crazy time, and Scalise was willing to talk to anyone that would listen to his hackneyed economic plan to cut taxes for large corporations. There wasn’t enough time to do research.”
Scalise has also received support from his colleagues in Congress. “Politicians are nuanced people. It would be dishonest to let one incident in a politician’s history forever ruin their career,” argued Michael Grimm (R-NY) in Scalise’s defense as he hurried to cover up what looked like tax forms and a set of notes that just had “BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI” written on them.
As for Scalise’s vote in opposition to the renewal of the Violence Against Women Act that allocates legal and health support to the victims of sexual assault, one of Scalise’s interns asserted that “in that case, [Scalise] just didn’t read the law carefully enough. I mean, it’s called the Violence Against Women Act and violence against women is a bad thing, so he voted against it. It was really an honest mistake that anyone could have made.”