(Idaho City, Idaho): Over this winter vacation, high school senior Harry Enright achieved the dreams of many of his peers: he was accepted early action into Stanford University.

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Despite Enright’s acceptance, however, his continued mediocrity still leaves his community a little underwhelmed.

“After Harry received his acceptance letter, I expected his writing would automatically become more intellectual,” confessed Enright’s English teacher. “I thought he would start using sophisticated, long words…you know, big-boy words worthy of a Stanford-admitted student.”

 “I asked Henry to recite the first book of the Aeneid in dactylic hexameter I assumed, since he got into Stanford, he would, of course, be able to do intellectual things like that,” stated a hairdresser who remembers cutting Harry’s hair in late December, after he had received his Stanford letter. Much to her surprise, Harry’s acceptance did not automatically diminish his previously existing ordinariness.

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 “Instead of reciting it, he asked me whether I had seen the latest issue of “People” magazine,” she shared. “I wasn’t impressed.”

“I know Stanford says that it never makes a mistake when it admits members of its newest freshman class,” said an anonymous source. “But I’m thinking the school may change its mind; I think it has seriously underestimated just how mediocre this kid truly is.

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” The source was later identified at press time as Patricia Enright, Harry’s mother.

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