Junior Alfonso Sanchez knew that there was a risk in taking performance enhancers, but never estimated that his own GRection would last more than four hours. Thus, with a CS 108 assignment due in the morning and no hope of being able to keep his mind upright for much longer, he downloaded the infamous VIrtual Analytical GRaiding Aid, a program built to help less scrupulous students of computer science get ahead. The VIAGRA worked like magic; Alfonso was able to stay hard at work for hours through multiple rounds of coding to produce a result he knew would satisfy. The day seemed saved, and Alfonso was sure he was in the clear.

Problems arose, though, when, a number of hours later, Alfonso awoke from a nap to find that a GRect element was acting up in the program. This GRection had presented itself early on in his coding, protruding stiffly from the rest of his work, but he’d thought he’d been able to mask it with blanket text. He was wrong; it continued to stand out triumphantly from the rest of his code, a firm and terrifying last hurdle to get over.

Frantic and unsure of how to progress, Alfonso called Jenny, a former girlfriend who volunteers at the Lair. He knew that she would probably be offended by his asking her to help him deal with his GRection, but he was out of options, and she was bored, so the two agreed to meet. As always, the first few bits were awkward. But with Jenny’s knowledge of user interface manipulation and Alfonso’s mastery of hard code handling, it barely took an hour of going at it before the issue was totally resolved. Wiping sweat from his brow, Alfonso checked his program one last time and proudly confirmed that, indeed, his GRection had deflated completely. The two gave each other a nod. Their work was finished, and, when his soreness subsided, Alfonso could finally hand in his assignment.


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