In Front of Elementary School: Female, Blonde. The way you were sucking that lollipop while swinging your lunch pail just made me crazy for you. Will you hop in my white minivan?
The diaspora of pedophiles have found a new community where they can let their voices be heard. Since its release just several months ago, LikeALittle.com, has become extremely popular among those who don’t usually talk to people in person. The site publishes any comment that expresses a romantic, sexual, or even platonic desires for anyone “little.” Though no specific size has been set for the definition of what counts as “little,” recent comments seem to primarily target the first to fifth grade population.
One user Max McAllen expressed his enthusiasm for the site, “Until now, my urges were restricted to mere mumbles, barely audible from behind my bristly beard. But now, I can shout out my obsession with little people so that the entire world can hear!” Though his posts have not yet prompted any real action, McAllen has not lost hope. “Yesterday a girl named Strawberry wrote ‘lolllllz’ in response to one of my posts. I could hardly control my excitement!” Pedophiles such as McAllen hope that kids nationwide will be more accepting of their population, and perhaps will be more open to reciprocate with friendships.
Representatives of the school children community declined to comment. Little people (formerly known as dwarves), however, have been quite vocal, and hope that this website will soon target their population too.