Upon emerging from the 7:30 pm 3D showing of James Cameron’s “Avatar,” Palo Alto resident Dwayne Schmitt stared up at the night sky with a somewhat disappointed expression. “Where’s the innovation?” he asked of no one in particular. “Where’s the perfectly-rendered spherical gas giant? Where is the sunset whose swirling purple and orange hues defy categorization? I mean the moon is okay but it’s…” he seemed at a bit of a loss for words. “A bit out of date.”

Millions of Americans around the country are echoing Schmitt’s sentiments. “I can deal with it for the most part,” Shirley Jacobson, 27, admits. “Sometimes I’ll even forget that I’m not actually watching a 3D blockbuster and get really into it and then…I’ll see some person who just sort of ruins the illusion.”

As the 2010 midterm elections approach, politicians have been under ever-increasing pressure to address and remedy the situation. “We are seriously considering replacing birds and horses with their bizarre, scaly Pandoran counterparts as a first step,” head EPA administrator Lisa Jackson assured a throng of reporters. “In the meantime we beseech Americans to be patient and to recognize that, well, things just look crappy in real life.”

“This is something we’re going to have to work on together as a people, whether the government is on board or not,” Schmitt asserted. “And,” he added as an afterthought, “if my wife doesn’t get tall and blue soon I think I’m going to divorce her.”

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