Articles by: Joel Cummings

Dubai Builds World’s Tallest Skyscraper to Compensate For Something

January 10, 2010 9:12 pm0 comments
Dubai Builds World’s Tallest Skyscraper to Compensate For Something
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Medical Marijuana Surfaces As Unlikely Swine Flu Cure; Swine Flu Cases Up 52%
 


October 4, 2009 1:14 pm0 comments
Medical Marijuana Surfaces As Unlikely Swine Flu Cure; Swine Flu Cases Up 52%
 


   The spread of swine flu is now outpacing CDC projections for Northern California, but semi-legitimate doctors from the region have found a cure: medical marijuana.  Andrew Wollengard was the first swine flu victim to seek a medical cannabis prescription.  “It was self-diagnosed,” Wollengard admits.  “I had been trying to […]

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Figures of Authority Only Tried It Once, Didn’t Inhale.

May 24, 2009 11:13 pm0 comments
Figures of Authority Only Tried It Once, Didn’t Inhale.

The public often raises uncomfortable questions about the past of important political figures. Owing to an acute sense of integrity, a number of leaders have no choice but to be candid about the minor transgressions of their youth. In fact, a small number of leaders have even admitted to trying […]

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Head Shop Implements Drug Testing to Weed Out Sober Employees

11:09 pm1 comment
Head Shop Implements Drug Testing to Weed Out Sober Employees
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Partygoers Heed PHE Advice, Leads to Worst Exotic Erotic Ever

May 18, 2009 2:37 pm0 comments
Partygoers Heed PHE Advice, Leads to Worst Exotic Erotic Ever

Many Sober, Fully Clothed Students Trek to 680 After many harshly worded flyers from the Peer Health Educators (PHE), the Stanford student body has listened. On Friday, May 15th, hundreds of boys and seven girls headed over to 680 Lomita for the annual and renowned Stanford tradition. However, because everyone […]

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New Pro-Life Movement Champions Rights of the Undead

May 11, 2009 10:32 pm0 comments
New Pro-Life Movement Champions Rights of the Undead

Justice For the Undead, a new advocacy group, is adding another angle to the controversial pro-life/pro-choice debate by demanding rights for those who have risen from the grave. “The undead are people too, and they want to be treated as such, regardless of their pale ashy skin color,” said JFU […]

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Waterboarding to Be Included in 2010 X-Games

May 5, 2009 12:27 am0 comments
Waterboarding to Be Included in 2010 X-Games

The ubiquitous press coverage of the Bush administration’s use of waterboarding has won Bush and Co. a handful of new supporters. Surfers, skaters, and other extreme athletes have praised waterboarding as a revolutionary innovation for those constantly seeking new thrills and challenges. “I had no idea Bush was into boarding,” […]

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Stanford Implements Affirmative Action For Babes

April 28, 2009 4:39 pm0 comments
Stanford Implements Affirmative Action For Babes

Stanford University is hoping to make impressive headway on the diversity front with a new plan to reach out to its most neglected minority: babes. The initiative centers around an affirmative action program that will ease admission requirements for babes and entice them with generous financial aid packages. “This is […]

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Student Celebrates 4/20, Earth Day In Same Way: Smoking and Watching Planet Earth

4:28 pm0 comments
Student Celebrates 4/20, Earth Day In Same Way: Smoking and Watching Planet Earth
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Opinion: Give Fetuses The Vote in 2012

February 8, 2009 4:22 pm0 comments
Opinion: Give Fetuses The Vote in 2012

This past November, I watched with horror as Barack Hussein Obama captured the White House from our beloved GOP. Our party shattered into little fragments, and some of those were lost to the blue side. I don’t know if we can bring the intellectuals, the libertarians, or the soccer moms […]

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