You can recognize them by their gang-sign: arms crossed holding up one finger on one hand and five on the other.
Based in Cedro, they call themselves “The Freshman 15.
” It’s a group of 15, slightly overweight freshman who have been wreaking havoc all over campus.
They have been seen riding around on their bicycles in a pack stealing other dorms’ flags, and texting during the 3-Books Presentation.
Fellow freshman from J-Ro, Claire Whitman, told Flipside reporters she felt scared every time she saw the gang biking around. “They just look so intimidating with their lanyards on,” she said trembling.
“After 1pm, I only leave my dorm with an RA escort.

“All we do is eat snacks and drink beer, but not yet,” said gang member Coby Hoover, AKA CoHo Fo’ Sho.

Watch out for the Freshman 15 trolling around campus asking people where buildings are and ridiculing IHUM.
They are dangerous and may be lost.

You May Also Like

Arrest of FIFA Executives Pinnacle of Sleuthing Skills

Last week, Swiss police enacted the culmination of years of FBI investigations…

Breaking: A Capella Clubs Decide to be Really Fucking Mean in Their Rejection Letters 

Shockwaves ripped through the Frosh dork community after receiving a barrage of…

Sustainability Success: EPA Director Scott Pruitt Has Murdered Enough Babies to Make America Carbon Neutral

It’s been a tough year for Scott Pruitt, but it looks like things might finally be turning around for the recently­appointed Environmental Protection Agency head. In a press release Tuesday, Pruitt proudly reported that the United States has achieved a net­zero aggregate carbon footprint for the first time in recent history, all due to Pruitt’s innovative “Murder Our Rugrats Order Ninety” strategy. The MORON initiative has now completed its first 6 months in operation, and the numbers tell a promising story. Before the program began, there were approximately 4 million babies in the United States and the country had a total carbon footprint of 6,870 million metric tons of carbon dioxide equivalents. Since the strategy was implemented, the agency has disposed of 3. 98 million carbon­intensive babies, and reduced America’s carbon footprint to a perfect zero. Liberals and conservatives nationwide have celebrated the success for demonstrating that the…