Lorraine and John, a local couple trying to get pregnant, have recently heard some shocking news from the Palo Alto fertility clinic: John’s sperm are healthy, but severely narcoleptic. The couple was referred to a sleep specialist, Dr. Pete Layo, who aims to help them treat the chronic sleepiness of John’s sperm.
Dr. Layo worried that John’s masculinity is threatened by this new diagnosis, and insisted that his swimmers were still strong, it is just that they are choosing the metaphorical lazy river over the Olympic lap pool. “You can’t help that your little guys are just so sleepy!” Dr. Layo wrote in his patient medical report.
In recent years, there have been massive advancements in the sleep and fertility sciences. Experts in both fields have come to understand that sperm grogginess is far more common than previously known. Sleep swimming is relatively normal, as well, but often isn’t enough for a successful pregnancy. Still, studies are starting to suggest that lightly shaking around or flashing a bright light on the penis may yield some positive results by gently “waking the lil fellas up.”
Dr. Layo has never made this diagnosis before, but is very confident in the accuracy of this case. “It may seem far off to some, but if you heard the tiny snores coming from John’s sperm sample, you’d be sold too.”
After this medical finding, John has dedicated his time to fighting the stigma of spermatozoa drowsiness. Recently, John pointed out the simplistic representation of all sperm as alert and athletically committed to a “race”—such as media depictions like the title sequence of Marty Supreme (2025) that make men, like John, feel othered.
John isn’t alone in experiencing shame around this disorder. Lorraine also wants to make lifestyle changes in order to make eventual pregnancy more viable, lamenting her clinically-cozy vaginal canal.
