College is a time for exploration, experimentation, and pushing one’s limits in the name of self-discovery. A surprising new investigative report reveals, however, that sophomore Karl Davidson has not only not tried any new things, but has in fact somehow maintained a perfect 4.0 GPA while doing so!
“Stanford has so many amazing opportunities, the sorts of things I never had available in high school”, remarked Davidson. “Publications, research projects, intramural sports, parties, even orchestra! I haven’t done any of these things, though; I mostly just study.
” Davidson sighed and continued, “I guess all I have to show for it is my straight As and flawless academic record.
”
A prospective Chemistry major, Davidson is now on his second year of refusing to push any boundaries or move even remotely outside of his comfort zone. “I hate feeling like I’m out of my element, and even though Stanford has all of these cool groups to join and activities to try, I feel a lot more comfortable sticking with what I know.
If keeping up a flawless report card is the price I have to pay for that luxury, then so be it.”
Davidson’s roommate, Ricky Machios, has mixed feelings on the subject. “Yeah, Karl really doesn’t do anything. I usually come back from dance practice around seven or so and he’s just at his desk working, and then when I head out to explore campus or get dinner downtown later in the night, he doesn’t seem interested in coming.
”
“At the beginning of the year, I tried to get him to apply to some clubs with me, but he never would”, recalled Machios. “I think he was worried he wouldn’t get in.” Davidson’s roommate, who plans to eventually declare as a CS major, paused before continuing.
“Then again, I can’t say I’m not jealous of his grades. With all the time I spend exposing myself to new experiences and growing as an individual, I haven’t been able to get my GPA over 3.
8.”
