1

Samantha: I love cross-platform cloud-based computing. I want to make the world a better, more connected place through smart tech. Also, I am a squirrel, a type of rodent.


 

5

James: I forage for nuts all day, even though there are very few nut-bearing trees here. My 18 children and I live in a tree where we eat the few nuts that I can find. I’m not sure what “tech” is, but if it is more nuts, yes, I would love to do “tech.”


 

4

Martin: I’m currently interested in wearables, but the available products on the market do not properly address the needs of squirrels. I recognize that it is a crowded marketspace, but what am I supposed to do, wear an Apple Watch as a belt?! C’mon!


 

3

Marco: I, Marco, am a squirrel, and I have an opinion about tech that is the opposite of Martin’s, who is also a squirrel. Wearable tech is clearly a bubble; play it safe, stay in low-level systems engineering, and eat more nuts to keep your head clear.


 
2

Alexandra: I did SLE. Read a fucking book.

You May Also Like

God Fires Pope

In a prepared statement last week, God announced that he was relieving…

Easy Stanford Students Had Access to List of “Athletic” Classes

News broke this week about a list of fitness classes being distributed…

Campus Recruiter Admits She Only Goes to Job Fairs to Get “Free Swag” like Resumes, Cover Letters from Students

McKinsey and Co.’s Stanford campus recruiter, Sarah Jennings, was fired from her…