Following their October decision to cease publication of nude photos, Playboy CEO Scott Flanders has indicated that magazine will now reverse course and come back to the images that once made its name.
“We did not think this through,” said Flanders. “We had assumed that people read us for the finely crafted sex advice columns and fine literary bent, but it turns out people were just in it for the tit-pics. Since our decision, our share prices have tanked. Like an aged tit, if you will.”
Playboy founder Hugh Hefner also chimed in on the decision, saying that, “I had forgotten the lofty aims upon which I founded this magazine back in 1953. Our intention was never to make something worth reading; rather, I wanted a space where lone men could feverishly pleasure themselves to pictures of models, loosely surrounded by words. Leaving these aims behind was a mistake that I am not proud of having made. Like fucking a stripper, if you will.”
Playboy’s shares have tanked to a twenty-year low of .38¢ and investors have expressed their displeasure with the company’s recent financial maneuvers. Hedge fund manager Adam Holdsworth was furious, stating, “If I can’t get my fix of ‘12 Busty Beauties of the Big 12’, then why do I even get out of bed in the morning?”
