The Johnsons’ “Saltwater 8000”

Beyond the double-backed resin panels of this pool, there lies an unfathomable evil, the likes of which man has yet to encounter.

The Mellenors’ “Contempra”

36 condoms, most of which are used.

The Carters’ “Aquadium”

No pool skimmer is sturdy enough to handle the horrors that have burrowed deep into the warranty-backed filter inside this particular Aquadium.

The Turners’ “Magnifer 3250”

A rat’s nest? A wig from a mannequin in a sex shop? It’s unclear whether the clump of strands pulled from the Turners’ pool used to belong to some wretched soul.

The Kostowskis’ “Aquus Series 4720 XL”

The Kostowskis’ spared no expense when purchasing a summertime haven for their children…Or did they? Check the filter, dear reader, and stare into the very depths of fear.

The Garcias’ “HydroPalace Elite

Some kid found just a ball of ants. Like the size of a softball. Jesus.

The Harrisons’ “Shit Tub 5650”

You don’t want to know.

You May Also Like

Curfew violated… by WOLVES! It’s late at night and they are prowlin’

Awwwwoooooooooo!  That’s right: the moon is bright, the stars are out, and…

Opinion: It’s Colder This Year Than Last Year

Dude, what the heck? It’s like, so much colder than it was…

Republican Whip: Don’t Let My Speaking to White Supremacists Overshadow My Dutiful Repression of Women’s Rights, Protection of Big Business Interests

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA, as a flurry of controversy erupts over the revelation…