It’s Saturday night at the Kappa Alpha frat and it is a full house tonight! The star of our show tonight, is local bro Mark Zimmer, and he is in the pocket with his eyes on the target, straight downfield. His bud hikes him a Bud Light, and after a quick chug he is off! He fakes right, he fakes left, he avoids the 6’2 hulking mass of man-meat ready to spew his dinner, just narrowly crossing the putrid, sticky line of scrimmage. He’s all on his own from here on out, and things aren’t looking so good. Avoiding eye contact with last night’s hook-up batting her eyelashes at him, he runs smack into that kid from his freshman dorm who always wants to talk about that one time they drunkenly ate 5 full orders of fries at the Axe and Palm. That was a close one, but he’s on the move again, thanks to his skills at deception, his quick feet, and his 4.0. He’s got bro #9 blocking for him ahead, taking out the sloppy grinders looking to push him out of bounds, but the clock is still running, and our boy is still on his feet. He toes the line, and is forced to double back by those two guys carrying out the empty keg to shouts of dismay. Oh! He’s got a clear space now! He’s at the 30! He’s at the 20! He’s at the 10! He finally approaches that sweet little honey in the end zone! Touchdown! And for the extra point, he taps her on the shoulder….and it’s good! What a game! What a night! Thanks for joining us here tonight, folks. Until next time, we wish Zimmern goodnight and good luck.

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