So you think you’re on fire.  Maybe preparing Thanksgiving dinner didn’t go quite the way you planned, or perhaps it was just another bad fight with the wife.  In any case, the result is you bursting into flame, and now you’ve got to deal with this new situation.  First, take a moment to think about your life so far; chances are life up until now have been pretty good for you.  It’s almost thanksgiving, and I think being on fire is the perfect time to really recognize what you are most grateful for.  Like, for example, not being on fire most of the time.  Be happy for all the people around the world who are having a much better time than you because they are not on fire.  Still on fire?  Well here’s some more advice: stop drop and roll around on the ground for a nice even crisp.  Perhaps you can also run around shouting “I’m on fire!” to make those around you fully aware of your situation.  Make it fun by working in some song titles or puns like “We didn’t start the fire,” “Fire on High,” or the Doors’ “Light my Fire”.  There’s no need to completely spoil everyone else’s day just because you happen to be on fire right now.

Now’s the time to start thinking ahead; if you’re still on fire, you probably won’t be able to make work tomorrow, so why not drop by the office to show them that you are on fire.  Perhaps introduce yourself with the classic: “does anybody smell something burning?” and make your way to “Does this mean I’m fired?”  They’ll love you for it, and when you stop being on fire, you may even get a promotion!  Speaking of being on fire, how’s that going?  There may come a time soon when you are no longer on fire.  You might even miss the thrill.  But I assure you, there’s a lot more to life than being on fire.  Now is the time to enjoy the remaining skin you have and start re-integrating into the world of people not currently engulfed in flames.

Sign Up for Our Newsletter

Get the Stanford Flipside sent to your inbox!

You May Also Like

Study Confirms That Bitches, As Suspected, Ain’t Shit But Hoes and Tricks

When Dr. Dre proposed in his seminal theoretical work, “The Chronic”, the…

Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed…

Connections to Steroid Ring Finally Explain Peyton Manning’s Giant Forehead

Following last week’s announcement of an upcoming Al-Jazeera documentary that alleges that…