In a recent report acquired from an inside source, the Flipside has discovered that Rick Scott, recently reelected governor of the state of Florida, is coming to get you, no matter what. “Now that I’ve been re-elected as governor of our beautiful sunshine state, I am most definitely coming for you, and soon,” Scott stated cheerfully in a press release.
The Republican incumbent reportedly dedicated over 13 million dollars of his personal finances in order to secure his victory over opponent, former Gov. Charlie Crist; allegedly, he is now ready to hunker down and get to work on stabilizing the revitalized Florida economy, as well as, of course, finding you, wherever you may try to hide.
Sources close to Scott revealed that the 61-year-old politician and former venture capitalist has in fact been watching you from afar for the past eighteen months. “Rick has had his dead little eyes on you for some time” reported his press secretary Pearl Jacobs. “He has extensively researched your friends, your family, your fears. Oh boy, is he coming.”
As of press time, Rick Scott is in exactly the place where you least expect him, crouched in a predatory manner, waiting.
