PALO ALTO – In a stunning revelation on Tuesday, John DePaul finally admitted to the Flipside that he had paid several campus females to rate him highly on Lulu. Rumors had been circulating for two days before the now defamed DePaul decided to bring the issue to a head.
“Hey, it was a fair business transaction,” said DePaul, unabashed. “I paid Five dollars for a hash-tag, and two dollars for a view. I saw an opportunity to improve my online image, and I took it. So what?”
Many local males are worried that these transactions threaten to diminish the value of real favorable Lulu postings. “It’s obscene, really,” said Sam Richardson, who is proud of his legitimately obtained 9.3 Lulu hotness rating. “It undermines all of the meticulous, hard work we honest players have put into building our reputations among the ladies. If jerks like John keep doing this shit I think I’ll probably just stop plucking my unibrow and opening doors for women altogether.”
Lulu has spread like wildfire since its first use on the Stanford campus, with alarming and sometimes unexpected consequences. As of press time, a significant fraction of Facebook users had apparently undergone multiple sex changes within the past few days.