Tragedy struck campus last week as Vaden’s supply of flu shots finally expired, plunging the east side of campus into a dystopian, post-apocalyptic wasteland. Wilbur freshman James Todd described the downfall of Wilbur: “the infected, no longer contained in the bathrooms, spilled out into the hallways, eventually infecting the entire complex.”
Todd was one of the lucky few who reached Vaden before the shortage and managed to avoid falling to H3N2. Most of the others from Wilbur were not so fortunate as they began to experience the symptoms of the transformation. Clammy skin and a thirst for fluids accompany lack of coherence and a slow loping gait, making those who see them think its dead week already.
Unable to find suitable means of transportation, as the Valero gas station has been completely pillaged, the surviving residents of Wilbur have turned to condoms as a form of currency. Todd says that soon after he received the flu shot, he was ushered away from the shanty that has become Wilbur Field, where the infected have pitched tents in the hope of receiving a vaccine from Vaden. Meyer Library has now become the home of some 300 odd freshman who have noted, surprisingly, that it still smells the same. Meanwhile, the graduate residents of Munger have told the Flipside that they honestly “can’t understand what the fuck the freshman are doing now.”