Hey Republicans, how’s it going? Pretty busy with elections, I bet. Looks like y’all are going to get the House again. Say, there was one thing I was hoping to talk to you about. Is this a good time? OK cool. So I was wondering, would it be too much to ask for you guys to stop saying blatantly offensive things about rape?

Look, I understand that every life is sacred, abortion is murder and women are little more than vessels for making and popping out babies. I get it. It’s just that rape is kind of a touchy subject with some people. For whatever reason, some people get kind of bent out of shape when you say things like pregnancies resulting from rape are “a gift from God” or that, in cases of so-called “legitimate” rape, “the female body has ways to shut that whole thing down.”

I’m not even asking you to change what you believe, just stop saying it. And actually, it’s probably in the best interest of the party. Mitt Romney may have binders full of women, but he’s trailing by quite a bit among female voters. Maybe if you stopped effectively blaming rape victims for the horrible, traumatizing crime committed against them, your party would fare a little better with the fairer sex. Just something to think about.

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