Tony Lucciano, an incoming freshman from New Jersey, came to Stanford hoping to meet some beautiful California gurls.

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Unfortunately, he was disappointed that they didn’t all wear daisy dukes with bikinis on top.

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“I thought California Girls all just floated around melting peoples’ popsicles being unforgettable and undeniable. That sounds so awesome, but they’re actually just so regular and smart.

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I’m so underwhelmed.” Tony said he’d give Stanford another shot, but he was highly considering transferring because of falsely advertising student demographics.

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