Last Saturday, Stanford students celebrated the Winter Olympics by competing in the Beer Olympics. Students from all over campus gathered together in Main Quad for a spectacular opening ceremony that included 151 shots lit on fire, representatives from every cultural group on campus, and dance performances by that crazy freshman who was already hammered.

Following the ceremony, students participated in various beer games modeled after winter sports. Students started off with curling, sliding quarters towards a red cup, trying to get them as close to the cup without hitting it.

The most popular event was the biathlon. Students raced around Lake Lag, stopping at checkpoints where they had to take various shots, shotgun beers, or bounce quarters into cups. If students failed, they had to take a penalty lap. “It was gnarly man,” said biathlon participant Lonnie Akridge, “Running the lake gets your heart rate jacked. It makes it so hard to bounce that quarter in the cup.”

Unfortunately, the Ice Luge was cancelled because the large block of ice was deemed unsafe after a student took a practice shot, got too drunk off it, ran into a pole, and went to the hospital. The University took no responsibility for an unsafe ice block, stating it was the student’s error.

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