Hookup Who Won’t Text Michael Back Just Added Him On LinkedIn

November 29, 2016 9:00 am
Hookup Who Won’t Text Michael Back Just Added Him On LinkedIn

While perusing Facebook on his phone yesterday evening, sophomore Michael Trent received a notification that sophomore Lindsay Adams requested to connect with him on LinkedIn. The move came after Adams neglected to text Trent back the morning after meeting and participating in a brief but passionate make-out session with him […]

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Op Ed: I Looked Pretty Cool Leaving My Midterm Early

November 28, 2016 12:00 pm
Op Ed: I Looked Pretty Cool Leaving My Midterm Early

So I had my Chem midterm this week, and I thought it was actually really easy. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go, especially because I barely studied. I had, like, 3 papers due this week and another midterm coming up, so I honestly didn’t even care about […]

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Nation Just Grateful Major Political Event Happened Right Before Thanksgiving

November 14, 2016 12:01 pm
Extended family having thanksgiving dinner.

Worried that there may have ended up not being a major geopolitical shift to argue about at the dinner table, the nation sighed with relief Wednesday upon realizing that it and the conservative uncles it’s forced to break bread with would have plenty to shout about at Thanksgiving. As one […]

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Freshman Forming Deep Friendship With RA Who Is Contractually Obligated To Do So

12:00 pm
9/24/10 North Quad Phase II Housing images.

Lucie Stern Residence Hall – Gleefully exclaiming that he can see the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Donner freshman Michael Levin reported Friday that he is” really hitting it off” with second floor RA Tristan Snow (MCS ‘18), whose job responsibilities explicitly include befriending the Freshmen under his purview. “At […]

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Student Starting to Question Laptop Stickers’ Actual Relevance to His Life

12:00 pm
Student Starting to Question Laptop Stickers’ Actual Relevance to His Life

Sophomore Mark Carlton has started to question the importance of the random stickers on his laptop after realizing they no longer have any relevance to his life and are, in general, not very well thought out articles of self-expression. Though he did admit the stickers allow him to feel superior […]

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New Axe-Comm Member Not Sure When To Give Them The Axe, Take It Back

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New Axe-Comm Member Not Sure When To Give Them The Axe, Take It Back

After several intense meetings of the Stanford Axe Committee, freshman and new member Harry Kesler is still incredibly confused about some of the core tenets of the well-funded student organization. “Look, all I’m saying is that on one hand, we’re supposed to give them the axe the axe the axe. […]

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Student Commits to Paper Topic After Making Good Pun in Title

November 11, 2016 9:00 am
Student Commits to Paper Topic After Making Good Pun in Title

After much consideration and research, Jacob Breston, a student in History 37H, continued to struggle to come up with a paper topic, but then inspiration struck. “I was in this study group,” said Breston, “and I don’t know if it was the weed or dehydration or what but I came […]

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Student Not Trying Any New Things In College Somehow Maintaining 4.0 GPA

November 9, 2016 9:00 am
Happy male student with thumbs up outdoors

College is a time for exploration, experimentation, and pushing one’s limits in the name of self-discovery. A surprising new investigative report reveals, however, that sophomore Karl Davidson has not only not tried any new things, but has in fact somehow maintained a perfect 4.0 GPA while doing so! “Stanford has […]

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Wait, Is It Too Late For Us To Endorse A Candidate?

November 8, 2016 12:00 pm
Wait, Is It Too Late For Us To Endorse A Candidate?

BREAKING NEWS: Apparently the election is…this week? Oh goddammit. Isn’t there something about how a leap year makes the election a little later or something? Are elections always on leap years? What about daylight savings…Is that a thing? Well we’ve got to be honest — we haven’t really been paying […]

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R&DE To Allow Trading Extra Meal Plan Dollars For More Meal Plan Dollars

November 7, 2016 12:00 pm
R&DE To Allow Trading Extra Meal Plan Dollars For More Meal Plan Dollars
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