Op Ed: Please Stop Treading on My Snake

January 13, 2017 9:00 am
Op Ed: Please Stop Treading on My Snake

When I got a pet snake for Christmas, I thought it would be nice to bring it back to school and let it live in my dorm with me. I imagined it slithering from room to room, bringing a little serpentine cheer to all whom it encountered. Call me a […]

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Stanford to Allow Students to Possess 749 ML Bottles of Weed

January 12, 2017 9:00 am
Stanford to Allow Students to Possess 749 ML Bottles of Weed

Earlier this week, President Mark Tessier-Lavigne met with OAPE to discuss updating school policy surrounding marijuana usage following the implementation of Proposition 64, which approves marijuana for legal consumption for people over 21 years of age. The group concluded that students over the age of 21 would be able to […]

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Administration Postpones FMOTQ To January 32nd, Hopes Students Won’t Notice

January 10, 2017 12:00 pm
Administration Postpones FMOTQ To January 32nd, Hopes Students Won’t Notice

In an email sent out to the student body late Monday night, university administration announced they have made the decision to postpone Full Moon on the Quad to a later date once again, specifically January 32nd. This announcement comes after administration’s initial delay of the annual tradition from its customary […]

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Band Offers Administration $60,000 to Drop Accusations

December 12, 2016 12:49 pm
Band Offers Administration $60,000 to Drop Accusations

Facing accusations of “various club members getting pitchers at Treehouse”, Stanford’s Band announced Monday that it was ready to offer the university’s administration $60,000 to resolve the issue quietly with an extrajudicial settlement. “We’re just trying to speak their language” commented Band member “Toaster Strudel”, a kitchen sink slung around his neck and a […]

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Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool

December 5, 2016 12:00 pm
Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool

Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool A yearly tradition ended in tragedy late Saturday night when freshman Jay Garbsby was found floating facedown in the Avery Aquatic Center by campus police. “Well, we’d been at Frosh Formal for a while” Nick Maguire, Garbsby’s roommate, […]

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Dear RCC: I’m Pretty Sure My Computer Is A Crockpot

12:00 pm
Dear RCC: I’m Pretty Sure My Computer Is A Crockpot

Dear RCC, 
 Whether it was a classic Holiday mix-up, or it’s been that way all along, I have some suspicions that my computer (previously thought to be a standard word-processing container) is in fact a crockpot. My first issue with this came up when I tried to turn in […]

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Op-Ed: I May Not Agree With What You Have To Say But I Will Defend Your Right To Terrify Our Roommate, Jeff

November 30, 2016 9:00 am
Op-Ed: I May Not Agree With What You Have To Say But I Will Defend Your Right To Terrify Our Roommate, Jeff

Our nation stands divided. After an incredibly bitter and emotional election season, America’s melting pot has been transformed into an unhappy cauldron of resentment. But, in these troubled times, it is all the more important to listen to one another, which is why, despite my not agreeing with you in […]

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Hookup Who Won’t Text Michael Back Just Added Him On LinkedIn

November 29, 2016 9:00 am
Hookup Who Won’t Text Michael Back Just Added Him On LinkedIn

While perusing Facebook on his phone yesterday evening, sophomore Michael Trent received a notification that sophomore Lindsay Adams requested to connect with him on LinkedIn. The move came after Adams neglected to text Trent back the morning after meeting and participating in a brief but passionate make-out session with him […]

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Op Ed: I Looked Pretty Cool Leaving My Midterm Early

November 28, 2016 12:00 pm
Op Ed: I Looked Pretty Cool Leaving My Midterm Early

So I had my Chem midterm this week, and I thought it was actually really easy. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go, especially because I barely studied. I had, like, 3 papers due this week and another midterm coming up, so I honestly didn’t even care about […]

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Nation Just Grateful Major Political Event Happened Right Before Thanksgiving

November 14, 2016 12:01 pm
Extended family having thanksgiving dinner.

Worried that there may have ended up not being a major geopolitical shift to argue about at the dinner table, the nation sighed with relief Wednesday upon realizing that it and the conservative uncles it’s forced to break bread with would have plenty to shout about at Thanksgiving. As one […]

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