Inter-Fraternity Council Changes Rush to “Chill”

In what the Inter-Fraternity Council (IFC) President Nick Silver calls “an effort to more accurately portray the true personality of fraternities at Stanford,” the IFC has declared that the Greek recruiting...

April 9th, 2012

Spring Quarter Already Here

Despite all of the disbelief sweeping the campus, spring quarter is already here. Thousands of extremely confused Stanford students have come back to campus, only to realize that their general perception...

April 3rd, 2012

How To Seduce Your Professor In 5 Easy Steps

So you want to seduce your professor. Not a problem! You may have already looked to the internet for help, but the WikiHow (which exists) will bring you nothing but heartache. Luckily, I’m hear to...

April 3rd, 2012

SU Alert: Suspicious Finals Creep up on Students

A recent press release from the Stanford Police Department reports that a student awoke to find a broken window and a mysterious piece of paper lying among the shattered glass. Upon further investigation,...

March 16th, 2012

Stanford Tours to End at Ye Olde Unione Gifts

In a desperate ploy to boost revenues for the University, officials announced last week that all official Stanford tours will cumulate with a stop at “Ye Old Unione Gifts & More.” The “gift...

March 15th, 2012

Ninja Rockstar Dismayed by Rejection from Startups

Axl Lee, a Stanford senior and certified “ninja rockstar,” truly believed that his resume was top-notch. He had trained for twelve years under Japan’s Premier Ninja Master, Shogun Kazuato, and had...

March 14th, 2012

Peyton Manning Leaves Football to Focus on his Papa John’s Commercial Career

After being cut by the Colts last week, Peyton Manning has decided to walk away from the game of football and into the game of Papa John’s commercials. “I’ve done a couple commercials...

March 12th, 2012

SHPRC Provides Students With Free Condoms, Roofies

Long revered for their subsidized condoms, lube, and miscellaneous sexual paraphernalia, the Stanford Sexual Health Peer Resource Center has recently expanded their resources, allotting 3 Rohypnol tablets...

March 12th, 2012

OAPE Typo Turns “Alcohol Free” Party Into “Free Alcohol” Party

The Office of Alcohol P E (OAPE) experienced an unexpected surge in popularity last week after a typo in an internal memo changed an “alcohol free” event into a “free alcohol” event....

March 12th, 2012

Stanford Announces “Arrillaga Tower” Project

In a surprising new development, John Arrillaga has announced plans to build a new $88 million “Arrillaga Tower” on West Campus. The design, released over the weekend, calls for a tower nearly...

March 7th, 2012

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