Student with New Longboard “Just Can’t Stop Getting Laid”

March 10, 2014 12:00 pm
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Student with New Longboard “Just Can’t Stop Getting Laid”

For lucky student Charlie Dexter, it seems the winter is starting to heat up. The cause? A new 50 inch longboard he received for his late February birthday. The Flipside sat down with the stud freshman this week to learn all the steamy details about how his life has changed since he received the gift.

“Pussy. Magnet.” said Charlie about his new board, as he readjusted his freshman lanyard and burped confidently in his exclusive interview. “You know how you go to Stern dining at lunch and it’s just all you can eat barbeque chicken pizza? Imagine that but instead I’m having sex with the pizza, and it’s not in the dining hall it’s in my room, and it’s not pizza it’s a bunch of hot girls.”

Not everyone is so charmed with Charlie’s recent exploits. “Yeah, I came back into the room a few weeks ago and he was doing my mom,” said roommate Aaron. “He just looked me right in the eye and gave me this big smile, then he put his hand out for a high five. I wish he’d never gotten that stupid longboard!”

Even for Charlie, it’s not all fun and games. “I pulled some muscle in my back, and I aggravate it whenever I have sex, which is, as I said, constantly.” he confided. “And Aaron has been so not chill ever since I banged his mom. I’m like, why didn’t you put it in the roommate contract then, bro?”

As of press time, Charlie was seen making an escape from a mob of hot, horny babes.