In an effort to combat the declining interest in ethics and metaphysics—and philosophy in general—Stanford Philosophy has announced a new sequence of courses aimed at undergraduates to reframe classical philosophical problems to the tastes of modern inquiry. Most notably, a new IntroSem titled “PHIL 69N: Schrödinger’s Sex God” will be offered in the Spring of 2025. Although the syllabus has stirred up much controversy across campus, many administrators are publicizing their support for this new, sexy philosophy class.
“Stanford has been inundated with a culture of greatness. While financial, academic, and career success are measurable and require little self-awareness. The questions of the romantic do.” well endowed President Jon Levin commented. “Schroedinger’s problem was all about standing at the edge of knowing and unknowing. This class is structured as an in-practice self-discovery process to address this conundrum: when we engage in the intimate exchange of fluids, will we be revealed as a master in bed or was it all a fantasy in our head?”
Students who get lucky will begin their quarter on the philosophy of love and lust with a field study observation of the horniest place on campus, the bathroom on the basement floor of Green Library. In the course’s climax, readings about pulling levers and quantum “cats” will guide student’s deeper thinking on the carnal arts. Students will finish the quarter by contemplating existentialist questions on the clitoris—does it even exist? If it does, how do you find it? How can you know that you know where it is?
“The great Greek philosophers had a lot on their minds, and expressed much of it, but left out much of what we, in the present-day, care about. Like, does size truly matter? Are people born kinky or is this a learned trait? Did you come?” course instructor Professor Benjamin D’Hover stated in the email announcing the course’s release, “some of these questions may never be answered but I’m excited to discuss them in section.”
Already, applications are flooding in. The waitlist is filling up fast, so make sure you don’t pull out. And for students who don’t get in, the class will feature recorded online sessions for everyone’s viewing pleasure. Jon Levin finished: “It’s a really great opportunity for all of Stanford’s erotically- and philosophically- inclined folks to come together.”
