Issue 288 Puzzles

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Spring Quarter Arrives and Loser Freshman Has Still Fucked Zero Professors

“Disappointment” Herpes Virus Finally Gets His Big Break

After a lifetime of embarrassingly low transmissibility, a young herpes virus finally…

Via Lipman
April 3, 2026

Viennese Ball Uncovered as Plot to Capture Prince Charming

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Stanford University’s annual Winter Quarter dance, the…

Surya Donath
March 14, 2026

Punxsutawney Phil takes “Erika Kirk” approach to Groundhog Day announcement

After his wife, Phyllis, was assassinated last month at a TSUSA (Turning…

Will Maher
February 2, 2026

Opinion: Roomcest is Bad. Really, Really Bad.

The very concept of roomcest raises the flesh upon my skin and…

Noah Murase
February 2, 2026