The college application process is hard, and no one knows that better than high school seniors.

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But when Clark Whitby, of Henry David Thoreau High School’s Class of 2018, tried to find a little online help to clear up his options, a foolish mix-up led him to mistake the Stanford Review for an actual review of Stanford.

He was immediately radicalized.

“I read all the threads on College Confidential first, but it was just a bunch of obnoxious over-achievers,” Whitby said.

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“So when I went to look for other sources, the Stanford Review popped up. I didn’t think much of it at first, but then I realized they were really making some good points.

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I mean, wow — taxes are theft when you really think about it!”

It took an estimated 45 seconds on the Review’s homepage before Whitby — formerly a self-described “moderate centrist” — was fully on board with every stance the Review had ever taken. After only reading a few headlines, Whitby decided that David Starr Jordan was the original “Yas Kween,” having a tree as a school mascot is eco-fascist propaganda, and Thinking Matters is a “liberal globalist ploy.

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Luckily, the Stanford Review also met Whitby’s original need for a Stanford review.

“It gave me a much more accurate picture of the University and the student body than I got anywhere else,” the prospective applicant said.

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“For instance, all of Stanford’s brochures and pamphlets make it look like Stanford has a very diverse student body, but the Review promised they had a ‘big scheme’ in place to change that.”

The Stanford Review, in usual contrarian fashion, responded by publishing an op-ed saying Whitby was a “deep state pawn of the coastal academic literati” for having read something.

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