Our nation stands divided. After an incredibly bitter and emotional election season, America’s melting pot has been transformed into an unhappy cauldron of resentment.

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But, in these troubled times, it is all the more important to listen to one another, which is why, despite my not agreeing with you in the slightest, I will defend to the death your right to scare the living bejeezus out of Jeff, our mutual roommate.

I have a lot of personal disagreements with your rhetoric.

I don’t really understand what you hope to accomplish by saying that you’re “Going to break into [Jeff]’s room and draw dicks all over [his] blankets”. But I believe very strongly in a very limited and unrealistic interpretation of the First Amendment, and hey, they’re not my blankets.

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Words are words. Words are important, and must be protected, for they have power and are special.

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But they also couldn’t possibly inflict lasting psychological on Jeff, not even when you question whether Jeff is “even more useless than a stupid goat”.

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I personally think that Jeff is a kind and timid soul, but you shouldn’t let my beliefs stop you from loudly opining that Jeff is a disgusting waste of space, or wondering out loud about whether Jeff’s computer would be worth more as kindling or as a playground for mice. But hey, it’s a free country, no matter how sleep-deprived and pale Jeff looks.

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