Last Friday, the spokesperson of “Students For A Sustainable Stanford”, Willow Daniels, took to the KZSU student radio to accept full responsibility for the disturbing events of Friday’s rally to support climate change.
“We always intended the wordplay between ‘Know Tomorrow,” and “No Tomorrow,’” Daniels explained. “The world has currently committed itself to a course of environmental destruction and should understand what future it is creating for later generations. However, SSS could not have anticipated that Mr. Gore meant for the wordplay to be taken much further. Frankly, his speech was inappropriate. We do not support the idea that the end times are fast approaching and that God himself will smite this sullied Earth and rid it of the assorted detritus that ruins his virgin fields.”
Friday’s rally took an unwelcome turn when Gore arrived wearing nothing but a pair of soiled capri pants, and sporting a beard that many observers described as ‘grimy beyond belief.’ At first, the assembled crowds were enthralled by his apocryphal tone and prophetic fire, but soon his proclamations of eternal damnation aggravated their already crippling insecurities about life after graduation.
More frightening still, is that he has yet to vacate the premises. Soliciting students for their meal plan dollars just outside the local Panda Express™, the former vice president was seen yelling, “Know that there is no tomorrow, today.” Students remain concerned for Mr. Gore’s health, considering that his reported ‘awful stench’ is scaring away hordes of students from White Plaza.
