Washington, D.C.—In a dramatic turn of events for the highly publicized case, sources confirmed yesterday that Tricks—the rabbit of Trix fame—has appealed to the Supreme Court in an effort to gain rights to own and consume the long sought after cereal.
“The laws forbidding my access to Trix are antiquated, discriminatory, and wholly unjust,” Tricks said in a statement to reporters. Wearing a slim black suit over his white fur, Tricks added that he and his legal team will take the “utmost action” to ensure their demands are met. “For too long have the Kids denied my happiness. Now, it’s time we, together as a nation, realize that I have as much a right to enjoy the fruity deliciousness of Trix as they do.”
Despite Tricks’ aggressive stance, however, the Kids refuse to back down. “So long as we have strength in our hearts and breath in our lungs, Tricks will not touch our cereal,” said Timmy Collins, head Kid and leader of the Tykes Against Tricks movement. “We Kids have had exclusive rights to Trix for decades, and we intend to keep it that way. There’s no chance we’re going to let some silly, filthy rabbit undermine our lifestyle.
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“I believe in America, I believe in the justice system, and I believe most of all that Tricks will be stopped.” Collins added. Whatever judgment is passed, sources confirm that some violence is inevitable.
“Worried? Of course I’m worried,” commented Metropolitan Chief of Police Cathy Lanier.
“The pro-Tricks and anti-Tricks crowds can hardly share the streets as it is—pending the judgment, there could be a full-blown riot.”
At press time, Lanier expressed fear she could have another Kids v. Lucky situation on her hands.
