Letter To Students On Maintenance Of The Stanford Brand™

January 17, 2017 12:00 pm
Letter To Students On Maintenance Of The Stanford Brand™

Dear Stanford Student™, When you joined Stanford University™, you joined not only a brilliant, diverse, hotbed of innovation, but also a community that values self-expression above all else. As an administration, we support students in their out-of-the-box thinking and identities. In light of recent events, however, we would like to […]

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Op-Ed: I Used To Think Alcohol Was Cool But Now I Know It’s Wack AF

12:00 pm
Op-Ed: I Used To Think Alcohol Was Cool But Now I Know It’s Wack AF

By Mikey Fresh Listen peeps, I’m a student and I know what it’s like to want to drink alcohol. You’re at a bitchin’ party on campus, the DJ starts spinning Ludacris tracks, and there are hotties aplenty. Suddenly you look around and other students are holding red solo cups filled […]

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Weed Guy Tells Weed Joke

12:00 pm
Weed Guy Tells Weed Joke

A press release issued by the Office of Student Affairs has revealed that sophomore Ryan Carpazzi, a well-known consumer of cannabis, told his friends a weed-related joke late Sunday evening. Carpazzi, who has previously labeled himself “kush king,” “a grade-A toke boy,” and “puff puff daddy,” reportedly interrupted a group […]

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Op Ed: Please Stop Treading on My Snake

January 13, 2017 9:00 am
Op Ed: Please Stop Treading on My Snake

When I got a pet snake for Christmas, I thought it would be nice to bring it back to school and let it live in my dorm with me. I imagined it slithering from room to room, bringing a little serpentine cheer to all whom it encountered. Call me a […]

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Stanford to Allow Students to Possess 749 ML Bottles of Weed

January 12, 2017 9:00 am
Stanford to Allow Students to Possess 749 ML Bottles of Weed

Earlier this week, President Mark Tessier-Lavigne met with OAPE to discuss updating school policy surrounding marijuana usage following the implementation of Proposition 64, which approves marijuana for legal consumption for people over 21 years of age. The group concluded that students over the age of 21 would be able to […]

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Administration Postpones FMOTQ To January 32nd, Hopes Students Won’t Notice

January 10, 2017 12:00 pm
Administration Postpones FMOTQ To January 32nd, Hopes Students Won’t Notice

In an email sent out to the student body late Monday night, university administration announced they have made the decision to postpone Full Moon on the Quad to a later date once again, specifically January 32nd. This announcement comes after administration’s initial delay of the annual tradition from its customary […]

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Band Offers Administration $60,000 to Drop Accusations

December 12, 2016 12:49 pm
Band Offers Administration $60,000 to Drop Accusations

Facing accusations of “various club members getting pitchers at Treehouse”, Stanford’s Band announced Monday that it was ready to offer the university’s administration $60,000 to resolve the issue quietly with an extrajudicial settlement. “We’re just trying to speak their language” commented Band member “Toaster Strudel”, a kitchen sink slung around his neck and a […]

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Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool

December 5, 2016 12:00 pm
Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool

Roaring 20s-Themed Frosh Formal Ends When Student Shot To Death In Pool A yearly tradition ended in tragedy late Saturday night when freshman Jay Garbsby was found floating facedown in the Avery Aquatic Center by campus police. “Well, we’d been at Frosh Formal for a while” Nick Maguire, Garbsby’s roommate, […]

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Dear RCC: I’m Pretty Sure My Computer Is A Crockpot

12:00 pm
Dear RCC: I’m Pretty Sure My Computer Is A Crockpot

Dear RCC, 
 Whether it was a classic Holiday mix-up, or it’s been that way all along, I have some suspicions that my computer (previously thought to be a standard word-processing container) is in fact a crockpot. My first issue with this came up when I tried to turn in […]

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Op-Ed: I May Not Agree With What You Have To Say But I Will Defend Your Right To Terrify Our Roommate, Jeff

November 30, 2016 9:00 am
Op-Ed: I May Not Agree With What You Have To Say But I Will Defend Your Right To Terrify Our Roommate, Jeff

Our nation stands divided. After an incredibly bitter and emotional election season, America’s melting pot has been transformed into an unhappy cauldron of resentment. But, in these troubled times, it is all the more important to listen to one another, which is why, despite my not agreeing with you in […]

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