Frat Boy Ensnared in Mind-Twisting Game of Alcohol-And-Dice-Table

May 30, 2017 12:00 pm
Frat Boy Ensnared in Mind-Twisting Game of Alcohol-And-Dice-Table

Earlier today, on the front lawn of Sigma Nu, one of the fraternity’s Snappa Grandmasters found himself embroiled in a match for the history books. Alex Tranner, heretofore undefeated in the many years that he has played the gentleman’s game, started the match with an uncharacteristically aggressive opening move, choosing […]

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Some Grandparents Die, And That’s OK, And Some Grandparents Can’t Die Even If They Want To, And That’s OK Too

May 22, 2017 12:00 pm
Some Grandparents Die, And That’s OK, And Some Grandparents Can’t Die Even If They Want To, And That’s OK Too
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Stanford Psychology Department Encourages Students To Respond To All Questions Using Week Numbers

12:00 pm
Stanford Psychology Department Encourages Students To Respond To All Questions Using Week Numbers

The Stanford psychology department just finished testing and now plans to implement a new pilot program that encourages students to respond to questions or incite conversation with “week numbers” in order to facilitate more successful interpersonal and peer-to-peer communication at Stanford. Fueled by a prevalent campus-wide sentiment that rigorous academics […]

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The Drought Is Over And It Is Time To Revel In California’s Liquid Bounty

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The Drought Is Over And It Is Time To Revel In California’s Liquid Bounty

The drought is gone, and California is saved. We did it! And now that the water’s back, we are glad to bring these wet tidings to you now. Turn on all of the water taps. Let them run. For now is a time of plenty! We’ve got water to spare, […]

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Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!

May 15, 2017 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: This Article Just Wrote Itself!

Wow, this article was so easy, it just wrote itself! Nothin’ to it, my dude! The words just flowed outta me.  I sat back, sipped on my soda-pop, and just watched the jokes appear on the screen one after the other.  It’s almost as if my tiny human brain contributed […]

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Darty Season Bittersweet For Day-Drinking Alcoholic

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Darty Season Bittersweet For Day-Drinking Alcoholic

The day party. A darty, if you will. With weather warming up and spring quarter in full swing, darty season is upon us. And it couldn’t have come soon enough for the budding alcoholics of Stanford University. “Honestly it’s great. Instead of having to drink alone in my room in the […]

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Op-Ed: I Invented A Color And Here’s What You Need To Know About It

May 8, 2017 12:00 pm
Op-Ed: I Invented A Color And Here’s What You Need To Know About It

You’ve probably already read about it, but if you haven’t, here’s the deal: I invented a brand new color, never before seen, and you need to know a few things before you can just go and look at it. First off, you might be wondering how I “invented” a color. […]

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5 Common Misconceptions About The East Coast That Just. Aren’t. True!

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5 Common Misconceptions About The East Coast That Just. Aren’t. True!

At a West Coast school like Stanford, there’s bound to be a stereotype or two about our neighbors over on the other side of the country. But just because you believe something doesn’t make it true! Here are five common mistakes made about East Coasters. 1. They Call the Atlantic […]

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Coolest Senior Excited To Move To, Be “So Over” New York

May 5, 2017 12:00 pm
Coolest Senior Excited To Move To, Be “So Over” New York

After four years of blasé sighs, insatiable apathy, and open assertions that she should have gone to Yale, senior Courtney Chetwind told friends on Tuesday that she’s “ecstatic” to move to New York City and immediately become disenchanted with it. “It took only a few hours of NSO for me […]

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Trend Alert! These Hip Young Millennials Are Wearing Surgical Masks So They Don’t Inhale the Toxic Fumes of a Dying Planet

May 1, 2017 12:01 pm
Trend Alert! These Hip Young Millennials Are Wearing Surgical Masks So They Don’t Inhale the Toxic Fumes of a Dying Planet

Looks like the fashionistas are gonna have a field day with this one, folks. Millennials worldwide have started wearing surgical masks so they don’t breathe in the poisoned air of a slowly-dying planet, and damn do they pull it off! Sure, fashion is subjective, but come on — just take […]

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