WANTED: One Night Stand

Preferably white, with thin legs and stylish curves. Should be about waist-high. Won’t mind holding stacks of books, dirty dishes, and an alarm clock. Swedish design preferred.

November 14th, 2011

Kappa Sig Frat Sets Record For Number of Girls Sleeping Over

On the first night of the quarter, the residence of Kappa Sigma set a record for the number of girls caught spending the night. The grand total of thirty-two girls shattered the previous record of three, a figure that had stood on the books since 1924. Especially surprising was the accomplishment of...

October 4th, 2011

Why YOU Should Join Alpha Phi, Stanford’s Newest Sorority!

• We accept girls with all shades of blonde hair • To please our national charter, we love doing many unique, philanthropic events such as: ⁃ Annual Fundraiser for Chronically Shy Girls ⁃ Pancake Sundays, where we give away all the pancakes that have too many carbs for us to eat ⁃ We sometimes...

April 17th, 2011

Pedophile Community Unites on LikeALittle

In Front of Elementary School: Female, Blonde. The way you were sucking that lollipop while swinging your lunch pail just made me crazy for you. Will you hop in my white minivan? The diaspora of pedophiles have found a new community where they can let their voices be heard. Since its release just several...

November 30th, 2010

For Sale: 1 bedroom 0 bath in Wilbur

This 1 bedroom, 0 bathroom suite is luxuriously located on the finely groomed grounds of the world-renowned Stanford University. Featuring two carved pine beds and a pristine view of the manicured Wilbur courtyards, this 192 sq. ft. room will allow you to feel instantly at home. Don’t miss the set...

September 26th, 2010