Articles by: Brendan O'Byrne

Student Thinks Bike Was Stolen, But Remembers She Parked It Elsewhere

April 16, 2011 9:00 amComments Off on Student Thinks Bike Was Stolen, But Remembers She Parked It Elsewhere
Student Thinks Bike Was Stolen, But Remembers She Parked It Elsewhere

Mia Lee, ’14, walked out her of her IHUM class still drowsy and had a moment of pure terror. “I looked at the bike rack outside my class, and I didn’t see my bike. For like, 10 full seconds, I literally thought it was stolen.” Ms. Lee started “flipping a […]

Read more ›

Cultural Differences in Chinese Fire Drill Lead to Explosion

January 25, 2011 9:15 amComments Off on Cultural Differences in Chinese Fire Drill Lead to Explosion
Cultural Differences in Chinese Fire Drill Lead to Explosion

Investigators have concluded that the car outside of Bob recently caught fire due to a misunderstanding about Chinese Fire Drills, according to Don Gifford, captain of the San Jose Arson Squad. “What we have here is a basic miscommunication,” commented Mr. Gifford, who headed the investigation. “One student had a […]

Read more ›

Director’s Cup Apparently Made Up To Boost Stanford’s Self Esteem

December 1, 2010 9:00 amComments Off on Director’s Cup Apparently Made Up To Boost Stanford’s Self Esteem
Director’s Cup Apparently Made Up To Boost Stanford’s Self Esteem

The Director’s Cup is a trophy given every year to the best athletic school in the nation. Voted on by a group of collegiate athletic leaders, the trophy is awarded each year based on which university in the nation has had the best overall athletics program. For the past 16 […]

Read more ›

Facebook Adds Ability To Share Masturbatory Habits With Friends

November 7, 2010 3:11 pmComments Off on Facebook Adds Ability To Share Masturbatory Habits With Friends
Facebook Adds Ability To Share Masturbatory Habits With Friends

Note: In the print edition of this week’s issue, we accidentally used a picture of Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers student who committed suicide. We did a random image search for a student, and we were unaware of who this person was. We regret the use of the photo. Facebook, always […]

Read more ›

Four Loko Brewing Company Introduces New Line of Blackout™ Products

October 31, 2010 2:34 pmComments Off on Four Loko Brewing Company Introduces New Line of Blackout™ Products
Four Loko Brewing Company Introduces New Line of Blackout™ Products

Drawing criticism recently for their caffeine-injected alcoholic beverages, nicknamed “Blackout in a Can,” the Four Loko Brewing Company has taken a controversial step toward embracing its newfound status as a “problem” company. “In an effort to keep our young, college-age audience interested, we are announcing a new line of Blackout™ […]

Read more ›

Chilean Miners Wait a Day to Avoid “Coming Out” Confusion

October 17, 2010 2:53 pmComments Off on Chilean Miners Wait a Day to Avoid “Coming Out” Confusion
Chilean Miners Wait a Day to Avoid “Coming Out” Confusion

33 Chilean miners, all male, have been trapped in horrid conditions for over two months, living close together in a tight space, rubbing up against each other, and suffering from loneliness and isolation from their loved ones. Despite, or perhaps because, they have been living with 32 other men for […]

Read more ›

Lunar Energy Advocates Feel Left In the Dark

October 10, 2010 2:45 pmComments Off on Lunar Energy Advocates Feel Left In the Dark
Lunar Energy Advocates Feel Left In the Dark

Holding signs with slogans such as “Carpe Noctem” (Seize the Night) and “The Moon: Also Pretty Fucking Cool”, advocates for Lunar Energy packed White Plaza on Friday to protest the recent approved tax breaks for solar energy. “You know, it just pisses me off,” noted Frank Schnappel, the leader of […]

Read more ›