Haas Center announces Turkey Slaughter Day, a “hands-on experience for service-oriented birdkillers”

In a move aimed to please humanitarians and psychopaths alike, Stanford’s Haas…

Pardoned Turkey At Large, Killing Freely

In what Beltway observers are calling a fundamental error in trivial symbolic politics,…

Sophomore Quits Turkey after Bad Thanksgiving Experience

In a surprising announcement released moments after waking up, still in his…

ASSU Counters Claims That They Don’t Do Anything By Releasing Thanksgiving Hand Turkeys

Seeking to fulfill their campaign pledge of “creating tangible results that all…

Entire Thanksgiving Dinner Spent Complimenting the Stuffing