Following unusually warm temperatures throughout the month of April, the Admissions Office announced today that an unusually high number of caterpillars have accepted Stanford’s offers of admission, and will start attending classes while attached to students’ clothing this week.
Stanford extended offers of admission to nearly a million caterpillars, expecting only a small fraction of those to actually accept. Instead the yield was nearly 90%, almost ten times what the University had expected.
“We were overwhelmed with the positive response from the larval Lepidoptera community to our new pesticide-free dining program,” said Rick Shaw, Stanford’s Dean of Admissions. Shaw announced that a record number of caterpillars spurned offers of admission from peer institutions including Harvard, Princeton, and Evergreen State University.

Students didn’t seem too pleased with their new diminutive classmates.
One student had this to say: “AAAAAAAA get it off me! Get it off me!”

You May Also Like

Tree Week: Secret Tree Competition Revealed – Palm the Steady Victor!

Contrary to popular belief, Stanford’s most pressing tree competition takes place between…

Michelle Forgets Presidents’ Day Again

Another Presidents’ Day, and more disappointment in Washington. Insiders have told the…

My Parents Found Out I Never Lost My Baby Teeth and are Now Revoking My Meal Plan so I Can Go on An All-Jawbreaker Diet to Toughen Up

I’m from DC—a long way from Stanford, I know. But one of…