Facing almost certain defeat in the ongoing Republican primaries, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich has launched a massive flyering campaign in the Stern and Wilbur dormitories in an effort to revitalize his fading candidacy.
Gingrich’s campaign manager developed this risky tactic after numerous previous strategies, like talking to students in dining halls and writing in chalk on the ground of the Main Quad, did not generate the positive buzz that forecasters had expected.
“We really think the poster strategy has a lot to offer because of Newt’s unique name,” explained Gingrich’s campaign manager and inexperienced Photoshop user Vince Haley, “We have been workshopping all sorts of puns involving newts, gin, and The Grinch.”
One of Gingrich’s advisors specifically recommended targeting the back of bathroom stall doors for the new flyers, explaining that “undecided voters with their pants around their ankles have been a swing demographic ever since turning out in droves for Dukakis back in ’88.”
