In the wake of the “blue tsunami” midterm elections, constituents have noticed a massive uptick in bathroom bans—this time, on cisgender people. The lives of the 97.35% of Americans who identify with their sex at birth may be impacted dramatically.
Many are questioning what cis people have previously used bathrooms for, citing minutes-long excursions that could only be for drugs or sex. Flipside sat down with Diana Feldman, a trans woman who reports feeling “so much safer” amidst this new legislation. “Do I feel sympathy for cis people? Absolutely not!” she told us, chuckling, “This world—and all the bathrooms in it—has catered to your needs for 5,000 years; fucking hold it.”
Advances in hormone therapy and surgical practice has made distinguishing cis and trans people near-impossible in many cases. To solve this issue, government-mandated bathroom monitors have been posted at the doors of all public bathrooms, asking those who come in questions to determine whether they are of the trans experience. Example inquiries for these new workers include “Define binder,” “How do you voice train?” and “Do you own Ikea’s BLÅHAJ?” This catches nearly all cis freaks. For those who don’t pass, free sex changes are available upon request at the door.
Trans people are finally getting the win they deserve after years of fighting for the right to pee. “This is more than just a toilet to us, trans folk need a safe space more than anyone else,” Feldman reinforced, “preferably, one that flushes.” Tweets have begun to circulate reminding their cis counterparts that there are still several urination options open, including single-stall bathrooms, bushes, and water bottles, road trip-style.
Activists on the ground have an important message for all trans people currently at bathrooms across the country: “For those in line, STAY in line!” They urge everyone to show up and show out at America’s newest-won battleground. Flipside wishes our trans readers the most meaningful bathroom experiences, with double-ply toilet paper, automatic flushes that actually work, and a place to put your phone in every stall. With love and support, we say: “go piss (trans) girl!”
