In a shocking 54-44 vote following the election, S.6767, a bill to turn every single White American citizen into a person of color, was passed by the Senate. Referred to as the Big Colorful Bill, the proposal will now go to the Executive Office to be approved.
“If woke is what they want, then woke they will get,” proclaimed recently-unseated Senator John Calloway. “Of course, there will be a period of adjustment, but the people have spoken.” In their session, the Senators reasoned that this is the best course of action for increasing affordability in this country. “Now that every neighborhood is full of people of color, we can expect housing to depreciate everywhere.”
Surprisingly, white constituents have overwhelmingly supported the proposed bill. Hoping it will improve other aspects of life, too, they eagerly await fewer sunburns, increased Halloween costume variety, and an invitation to the cookout.
Despite refusing to comment on the Big Colorful Bill, President Trump has not vetoed it. Some commenters have speculated he may be attempting to gain rapport in diverse communities for an unconstitutional 2028 run where every vote matters.
As the bill gains further support throughout Congress, other political actors are already scaling their ambitions. Turning Point USA has started lobbying for a new bill to turn all citizens gay as a solution to “the abortion problem.” Advocates argue that, with a sexually homogenous population, there would no longer be a risk of pregnancy; instead, all pregnancies would be voluntary, eliminating the need for non-medical abortions.
“Although it’s a hard way to leave, I’m glad my legacy can live on in some way,” Calloway lamented in a recent interview, “I mean, I’m 1/32 Cherokee, I’m glad everyone else will be able to experience being POC, too.”
