November 12, 2024
Dear Stanford community,
The reasons for striking are many. As a university, we respect our students’ right to organize and bargain collectively. However, the university has made a competitive contract offer that would keep Stanford’s pay for graduate assistantships at the top of our peer institutions. As such, we fail to see “low pay” as a reason to strike.
In response to these requests for higher wages, we have respectfully set up town halls to meet in the community for our graduate workers, with T4 boba provided. The strike’s “financial compensation” calculations have failed to account for these costs in ongoing negotiations. Additionally, Stanford more than covers clothing costs through the “free t-shirt with big logo tiny text” initiative. Pledge to abstain from the strike and pick up a free itchy t-shirt today!
We welcome our graduate students with the freedom to take a breath from their luxurious office, breathe fresh air, and touch our irrigated grass, which costs the same to maintain as your salary. Quite frankly, that’s all this strike will be. The smell of desperation fills the air, nearly overpowering the sulfur coming from our newly designed watering system. Remember! Raising wages takes money away from those shiny new irrigation spouts that water concrete. Who would want that to happen?!?!
For undergraduates: We are pleased to announce a new pilot program to promote learning and engagement via course and teaching instructor offerings. Please keep an eye out for these postings.
Yet despite these concerns, we welcome a strike: it is an opportunity for you all to go put yourself out there!!! Try speed dating while you’re out there. Practice your paper’s elevator pitch. There’s no need to stop the grind.
Sincerely,
Jenny Martinez
Provost of (union) Busting on Deez Ballz
