After months of controversy and evasion, President Donald Trump has finally released his tax returns into the tranquil groves of the Florida wetlands. Though the tax returns’ precise location has been kept classified to prevent further disturbance of the surrounding habitat, accounting experts assured reporters that the newly freed tax returns “looked really happy down there”.
Trump first acquired his tax returns in a controversial exchange involving the adoption of an undernourished mountain lion cub and a particularly stupid bald eagle. Trump declared the acquisitions “really great” and insisted that the animals would be in his possession “only for a short great time”, but public outcry grew as he refused to release the animals and tax returns over the course of the 2016 presidential campaign. The saga is now over, though, as experts report that Trump’s tax returns are now frolicking free in the mighty backcountry of Florida alongside Bernie Madoff and Lehman Brothers’ bankruptcy filings.
Conservationists have raised concerns that the Trump’s tax returns have spent too much time in hiding, and will not be able to readapt back to the wild. If this proves to be true, the tax returns will be forced to either beg hikers for food, or risk starving. Trump’s response was cryptic, saying “Gotta clean up Chicago, inner city charter school great opportunity big league.”