After only two days of bidding, Eileen Gu’s exact Marriage Pact answers have hit an eye-watering price of over one million dollars.
Created as a recent fundraising effort by the Marriage Pact organizers after spending all of their VC money on hookers and blow, the well-publicized auction received hundreds of bids from fervent nerds all angling to have their name show up in Gu’s inbox.
One organizer, Jamie Levine, told the Flipside: “It’s bigger than our wildest imaginations. I feel like Zuckerberg when he found out you can just sell everyone’s data to China.”
The hype around Gu’s answers have reinvigorated enthusiasm around the Marriage Pact, previously established as some “equitable” (read: communist) matching process. The recently radicalized capitalist executives have dramatically galvanized the massive sell-out demographic at Stanford. One enthusiastic senior remarked, “For the past three years, I kept getting matched with poor weirdos—now, I can use daddy’s credit card to match with whoever I want. It’s like Raya, but better: now I can buy my way into Eileen Gu’s heart. Please unblock me, Eileen.”
While the move to auction private match answers was met with some pushback, university administration has embraced the change. Jonathan Levin wrote in an official statement to the university yesterday, “Stanford students never get any bitches anyway. At least this way, we can give some hope to the rich nerds who hide in the bushes outside Theta.”
The Flipside reached out to Eileen Gu for comment, but apparently she has “a life” or something.
