Post Tagged with: "obama"

Detroit Tigers Look to Obama for Bail Out

November 4, 2012 9:00 amComments Off on Detroit Tigers Look to Obama for Bail Out
Detroit Tigers Look to Obama for Bail Out

As the Detroit Tigers take on the San Francisco Giants in the World Series, the downtrodden fans see little future for their team against these almost foreign competitors. Leaving whatever pride they had at the door, they have sought the assistance of President Obama to promote their city’s declining sports culture. […]

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Antiquated Electoral College Replaced with BCS Poll

October 29, 2012 12:02 pmComments Off on Antiquated Electoral College Replaced with BCS Poll
Antiquated Electoral College Replaced with BCS Poll

Calling the Electoral College a “political relic of a bygone era” and a “cumbersome middle-man in the democratic process,” Congress has moved to replace the institution with a BCS-style polling system that would determine the next President of the United States. According to the text of the proposed constitutional amendment, […]

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Romney Unveils Controversial “I Know You Are But What Am I?” Debate Strategy

October 22, 2012 12:04 pmComments Off on Romney Unveils Controversial “I Know You Are But What Am I?” Debate Strategy
Romney Unveils Controversial “I Know You Are But What Am I?” Debate Strategy

Following last week’s presidential and vice-presidential debates, the Romney campaign has concocted a new strategy for dealing with President Obama’s resurgent, more animated debate performance. In order to combat the Obama’s use of “facts” and “figures,” Governor Romney, lacking a coherent platform of his own, plans to respond to everything […]

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What Does Your Tie Pattern Say About You?

October 12, 2012 9:00 amComments Off on What Does Your Tie Pattern Say About You?
What Does Your Tie Pattern Say About You?

Let’s face it; the upcoming presidential election makes you want to wear a tie. With all those politicians looking smart, you gotta jump on the bandwagon. Now the truth is, nobody gives an actual fuck about what color tie you wear because what really matters is the pattern. Let’s see […]

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Romney “Using Jive” to Appeal to Younger Voters

October 2, 2012 9:00 amComments Off on Romney “Using Jive” to Appeal to Younger Voters
Romney “Using Jive” to Appeal to Younger Voters

“Yow! Watch me!” Mitt Romney began his speech to William and Mary Students in the pivotal swing state of Virginia. “Man, don’t it feel mess to be back up on the main kick, I tell ya.  This joint is jumpin!” With only a month to go until election day and […]

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Nation Prepares for All-Out Sex Party in Wake of Obama Announcement

May 14, 2012 6:00 amComments Off on Nation Prepares for All-Out Sex Party in Wake of Obama Announcement
Nation Prepares for All-Out Sex Party in Wake of Obama Announcement

In response to President Obama’s announcement that he personally supports same-sex marriage, Americans are preparing for the impending all-out, nation-wide sex party that will obviously follow this endorsement of basic civil rights. Critics argue that the President’s belief in marriage equality could be the last straw that sends the nation […]

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Woman Accuses Cain of “Professional Relationship” as Campaign Comes to Close

December 16, 2011 2:34 amComments Off on Woman Accuses Cain of “Professional Relationship” as Campaign Comes to Close
Woman Accuses Cain of “Professional Relationship” as Campaign Comes to Close

Just days after announcing the suspension of his presidential campaign, Herman Cain found himself in the midst of yet another political scandal as Roberta Hernandez accused Cain of engaging in a “professional relationship” with her while he was chair of the National Restaurant Owner’s Association. “We would sit in the […]

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Massive Search Conducted For Freshman’s Keys

October 31, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on Massive Search Conducted For Freshman’s Keys
Massive Search Conducted For Freshman’s Keys

On Tuesday, Kelly Andrews woke up, brushed her teeth, and left her dorm room for class. It was just like any other Tuesday. But then disaster struck. “They must have fallen out of my pocket while I was biking through the quad,” said a visibly shaken Andrews, “I reached into […]

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United States Government Reforms Social Security to Protect Your Social Life

October 3, 2011 6:00 amComments Off on United States Government Reforms Social Security to Protect Your Social Life
United States Government Reforms Social Security to Protect Your Social Life

WASHINGTON, D.C–Amid skepticism of the future viability of the Social Security program, the government passed a sweeping reform to protect your social life and ensure your long-term social viability. Government statistics have shown that America’s awkwardness has grown 80% each year since the Internet went viral in the 90s. This […]

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Tell-All Book Alleges Barack Obama Had Sex With Black Woman

6:00 amComments Off on Tell-All Book Alleges Barack Obama Had Sex With Black Woman
Tell-All Book Alleges Barack Obama Had Sex With Black Woman

In the wake of the political firestorm surrounding allegations that Sarah Palin once had a tryst with former NBA star Glen Rice, tabloids are now abuzz with rumors that President Barack Obama may have had sex with a black woman. The claims, which are supposedly backed by ‘reliable sources’ and […]

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