National Suicide Rates Jump as Inception Spurs the Nation to Think

August 5, 2010 11:10 pm
National Suicide Rates Jump as Inception Spurs the Nation to Think

LOS ANGELES, Calif.—A new and alarming study has found that suicide rates throughout the United States have skyrocketed, and the cause seems to be linked to the release of Christopher Nolan and Leo DiCaprio’s latest “masterpiece,” Inception. The study, which was run jointly by UCLA Professor Ace Swenson and the […]

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Report: China Lags Behind US in English Skills

11:07 pm
Report: China Lags Behind US in English Skills

BEIJING, CHINA—Despite desperate measures taken by the United States to improve proficiency in reading and writing, a recent Pew study has revealed that much of China is failing to keep up with US standards in English. “These kids are performing at almost two to five years behind their expected grade […]

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World Shocked To Discover “Wikileaks” Divulges Classified Information

July 25, 2010 11:06 pm
World Shocked To Discover “Wikileaks” Divulges Classified Information
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Paul the Psychic Octopus Retires from Professional Predicting, Ponders Next Steps

July 21, 2010 12:53 pm
Paul the Psychic Octopus Retires from Professional Predicting, Ponders Next Steps

OBERHAUSEN, GERMANY- In a surprise move, Paul, the Psychic Octopus who correctly predicted the outcome of all of Germany’s 2010 World Cup matches as well as the World Cup final, has announced his decision to retire from professional predicting.  In an eloquent speech that was chosen from two possible speeches […]

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Famous One In a Million World Cup Octopus is Actually Just One In 64 If you Do the Math

July 17, 2010 1:10 pm
Famous One In a Million World Cup Octopus is Actually Just One In 64 If you Do the Math
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American Celebrates Independence, Moves Into Parents’ Basement

July 5, 2010 2:25 pm
American Celebrates Independence, Moves Into Parents’ Basement

SUBURBIA—For over 200 years, Americans have celebrated the Fourth of July with barbecues, fireworks, and picnics with friends and family, but this year, Tyrell Jenkins, a 23-year-old from Redwood City, discovered a new way to celebrate his independence. This year, Jenkins celebrated the Fourth of July by moving from the […]

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