Steve Jobs: “I Just Saved a Bunch of Money on My Car Insurance By Switching to Geico”

February 1, 2010 3:31 pm
Steve Jobs: “I Just Saved a Bunch of Money on My Car Insurance By Switching to Geico”
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Apple iPad Makes Life Easier for Women

January 30, 2010 11:05 pm
Apple iPad Makes Life Easier for Women

SAN FRANCISCO—This week, Mac icon Steve Jobs introduced the Apple iPad. Sized between an iPod and an iBook, the iPad is expected to take the world by storm. Though the iPad is designed to appeal to all consumers, it has a deeper significance for women. Melissa Bennett, spokesperson for the […]

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The Flip Report: January 30th

9:52 pm
The Flip Report: January 30th

In 5 Minutes Ago Out Raising money for Haiti Raising money for AIDS Livestrong Bracelets Hating Westboro Baptist Church Hating Republicans Hating Scientologists Tavita Pritchard playing basketball Tavita Pritchard playing football Tavita Pritchard figure skating

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Apple Introduces Revolutionary New iWindows

January 29, 2010 1:38 am
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New iWindows

Judging from the all-around mood of jubilance and the excited chatter of fanboys and industry execs, Apple had done it again. Like previous groundbreakers, iWindows lived up to the hype. Rumors spread like wildfire, ranging from Windows being bundled with Safari instead of Internet Explorer, to the inclusion of Garage […]

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Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

January 28, 2010 2:25 am
Study Finds: If Your Hand is Bigger than Your Face You Need Surgery

In a packed auditorium on Saturday, Stanford Hospital Director Ken Toshi informed a somber audience of the very real medical problems associated with having a larger hand than face. In a prepared statement, Toshi debriefed the audience, stating, “our meta-analysis of over six hundred patients revealed that those unfortunate individuals […]

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Seeking Aid, Detroit Considers Artificial Earthquake

January 26, 2010 2:06 am
Seeking Aid, Detroit Considers Artificial Earthquake

With the Michigan city facing the prospect of becoming a ghost town, city lawmakers hatched an enterprising plan to restore it to prosperity: Purposefully destroying it with a man-made, 7.5 “mega-quake.” “We hope that the inevitable influx of aid and sympathy for our beleaguered city will be enough to restore […]

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China Censors Mass Media; Public Outraged Okay With It

2:03 am
China Censors Mass Media; Public Outraged Okay With It

In a recent move that has drawn widespread criticism cheer, China has increased internet restrictions to protect its people. In past years, China has ramped up restrictions on electronic information to the detriment of its internet-hungry treasonous citizens. Entire cities Dangerous urban areas have even been cut off rescued from […]

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Gerhart Revealed as Avatar from Advanced Alien Race

January 10, 2010 9:25 pm
Gerhart Revealed as Avatar from Advanced Alien Race



STANFORD, CA—Scandal has rocked the Stanford football universe after Toby Gerhart revealed himself as an avatar for an advanced alien race.  As an avatar, Gerhart possesses a mixture of human and alien DNA. This mixture has given him extraordinary strength and endurance, far beyond what human physiology can normally achieve.  […]

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‘Avatar’ Graphics Deemed Superior To Those of Reality

9:23 pm
‘Avatar’ Graphics Deemed Superior To Those of Reality

Upon emerging from the 7:30 pm 3D showing of James Cameron’s “Avatar,” Palo Alto resident Dwayne Schmitt stared up at the night sky with a somewhat disappointed expression. “Where’s the innovation?” he asked of no one in particular. “Where’s the perfectly-rendered spherical gas giant? Where is the sunset whose swirling […]

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TSA Travel Update

9:19 pm
TSA Travel Update

Important notice to all travelers in the United States: In light of the recent terrorist attack, The TSA has made several important changes to make air travel much more difficult for everyone and therefore, safer. We have raised the Annoyance Level from orange to total pain in the ass. The […]

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